Ah OK, you meant it the way "by slicing the heart with the eyes you're dancing with my soul"? If so it would be correct to use the german word "da" or "dort" (there, in the heart).Original von eishockey88
Also, my intentions was to say "Da tanzt du mit", in the first part.... As in "There you....verb, etc." Sort of like, "At that location....etc." So I used "da".... Incorrectly it would seem?
What do you say to the german translation "durchleuchten" for the passage ".. enter into my heart"? "The crime would end us", has it to be understood that the writer (the teller of this story) take it as a crime if she refuses to kiss, and that this "crime" ends the efforts of him to get her? For the moment I confess that I don't know a better translation, but I do know that it's not really correct for now.. Well, we should work it out tomorrow (here in Switzerland it's nearly midnight).
You're welcome.
EDIT: I don't really know whether you should use the simple past or the past perfect tense for poetry, for me it sounds OK as you wrote that all.